It's official. I'm an American Idol junkie.
When my world didn't end last week as Latoya London got voted off, I thought I had it under control. But then, I rush home from the gym tonight, turn to FOX... and there's a blue screen!
It's 7:53. My first reaction is panic. Anything but no cable!
I began frantically switching channels: 05, 27, 53, 59... all blue! Then (as I have worked on a satellite help desk for nearly five years) I do my superduperdeluxe two-minute troubleshooting drill. I pull out the TV and VCR to tripledoublecheck the cabling (as if it had moved by itself), I quadraplecheck the settings on the TV and VCR, the wall jack, the surge protector, play tapes in the VCR--all to no avail. It's 7:58, and Fantasia's surely boboing backstage!
Did I pay the bill? Yes. What the hell else could be wrong. So, I call my friendly neighborhood 1-800-COMCAST and the delightful representative takes my name, my address, my phone number and reports, We regret to inform you that your area is experiencing an outage. As of this time, there is no ETA for when it will be repaired.
I could have killed him. Believe me, I did try to reach out and touch him through the phone, but got stopped mid-birdfinger. I paced and paced. I pulled out the dusty, spare 13" black and white my father had given me for my freshman year in college, even. It wouldn't work. I didn't have any rabbit ears. I started shaking. My breathing hastened. The walls started speaking to me, Surely this is some conspiracy to stop you from voting for Fantasia Barrino.... and I was answering back! I called Comcast three times in the next half hour for an ETA. I had to light some incense to calm myself down.
TMI: I called a friend, who incidentally does not have cable, to leave his phone next to his functioning cable-free TV for the remainder of the show, just so that I could hear Fantasia sing.
Yes, this is the life of a wise wordsmith. Not practicing some Zen meditation, nor nodding to some Fela Kuti cut, nor unlocking some C.K. Williams lines, but rushing home from the gym--Crunch Fitness, no less--addicted to Idol. And my cable still isn't on!