"South Trust Customer Service, how may I help you?"
"I'm calling to inquire about the origins of, what I believe to be, an unauthorized Visa Check charge on my checking account."
"Yes, sir," he said, "I'll be glad to help you... With whom am I speaking?"
"And the last four digits of your social?"
"Now what charges do you believe to be in question?"
"Well, yesterday morning, I checked my balance over the phone, and it said that my available balance was over negative $330 dollars. Can you tell me what charge put my account in the negative?"
"Let's see... Well, these are charges that are pending, but which have not yet posted to the account. The first charge was $273.XX at Walmart-"
"Walmart? I didn't go to Walmart this weekend."
"Well, sometimes it takes a couple of days for items to post."
"I haven't been to Walmart in the past couple of weeks. Are there other charges?"
"Well, here's a charge for 74 dollars and XX cents at Walgreens... another for 65.21 cents at Walgreens..."
"Do you show where these charges originated?"
"Well, this Walgreen's charge is showing in St. Louis, Missouri..."
"St. Louis? I've never even been to St. Louis-"
"Well, just because charges originate from a place doesn't mean that that's where they were made. Sometimes, we show the location of the corporate office..."
"Okay, what about the other charges?"
"Well, the other two Walgreen's charges are also in St. Louis... The Walmart charge is in St. Louis..."
The Show Me State? How bout Show Me Some ID?!
"Okay, someone has compromised my Visa Check Card. I don't know how this happened. I've had my card in my possession this entire weekend, and I didn't make any on-line purchases. What is the procedure to file a fraud claim?"
"I thought you said that you made the Walmart purchase."
What the f*ck!
"Well, have you ordered a new card recently that you never received?"
"No. I have only one card and it has never left my hands."
"I see. Well, since these disputed items are only pending and haven't yet posted to your account, you have to wait until they actually post to dispute them - which will be tomorrow morning. At that point, you should call the Fraud Department at 1-800-xxx-xxxx."
"So you're telling me that there's nothing I can do until Tuesday."
"Well, we can shut off your card and mail you a new one."
"Yes, let's shut off the card."
"... ... ... ... Okay, the card is now deactivated. And where would you like the new card sent?"
Up your a$$, you corporate cog
"Let's wait until we get this settled before I order a new card."
"Will there be anything else, Mr. _ea__?
"No, you've been very helpful."
"Have a good day."